Circle Breathing

I had coffee with a friend last weekend.  We compared notes regarding our respective acts of rabble-rousing and resistance. My friend is a mostly-retired psychiatrist (in other words, she is WAY smarter than me); who had not been expecting to expend her early retirement energy in active political resistance; yet, here she is.  Here we are.

She and I are aligned in philosophies and have a shared sense of dread, grief, and horror regarding the current administration.   For us, this sensation is both a catalyst to action and a burden–a burden that often takes residence in our guts and minds, like an OCD virus that threatens our sense of inner peace and causes bouts of crankiness that are sometimes directed at innocent nearby targets, such as our husbands.

The past couple weeks have been a good opportunity to take a mental break.  The D is doing an excellent job of exposing his own incompetence and blinding narcissism–without any help from myself, his many detractors or the ‘fake’ media.   In my friend’s words:  “he is doing our job for us”.

The D’s  firing of FBI Director Comey is a clear obstruction of justice; the initial reason given was Comey’s revelation of newly discovered Hillary emails in the late days of the 2016 campaign; a laughable and ironic justification from The D regarding an act that he previously praised, and one that most likely tilted the balance of election in his direction.  On the heels of that debacle, The D shared classified intelligence with his Russian BFFs during a cozy photo op (for Russian press only). That may be one traitorous act too many, even in the eyes of Republican cronies — time will tell.

There is a rumor that several Republican’s are considering withdrawing support from The D  in a belated attempt to restore their integrity–or at least a facade of integrity.  This may be a window of opportunity for them to actually hear what their constituents are saying during the current Congressional break.

Ultimately, The D’s cluelessness and blinding narcissism will be the primary reasons for his seemingly inevitable downfall.  The House of Cards is starting to crumble; the cracks in the orange veneer are getting more obvious.  As much as I’ve enjoyed a week or two ‘off’, watching events play out; I/we cannot return to the not-my-problem complacency that allowed the D to be elected in the first place.

I used to sing in a choir.  For long-sustained notes, we used a technique called ‘circle-breathing’: each chorister sneaks a breath at a different time, so that the audience hears one seamless long-sustained note, without a perceptable break.  Circle-breathing depends on teamwork, recognizing that each individual needs to occasionally catch their breath.

To my persistent friends–take a breath when you need to and protest loudly when you are able.  Collectively, our voice is unbroken and undeterred.

 

 

 

Weekend Respite

Lately, work has been more of a grind than usual…  the weeks are long and the weekends bring respite: Mother’s Day weekend was particularly soul-replenishing and served as a reminder of how blessed I am — with MUCH to be thankful for.

That Friday afternoon I spoke at an annual professional event (making good on a promise / threat I had made a year ago to do so) – the presentation was well received and followed up by a few drinks with former colleagues.  A very pleasant ending to a rough week.

I was on the tennis court Saturday morning, with a standing group of tennis friends; followed by a quick shower and a brief journey north with Dan to attend a family brunch.  The food was amazing and we caught up with various family members.  On the way home we stopped for a nostalgic stroll at Devil’s Lake State park – where we visited the ‘brick’ commemorating our marriage there five+ years ago.  (Our brick is located 3 bricks down from the one labelled ‘Tinkles’).  The park was jam packed with families out enjoying the much-appreciated warm weather.

That evening, we had date night and went to a movie, which was hilarious.  I highly recommend ‘Snatched’ with Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn.

The next day was Mother’s Day.  #1 Daughter Kelly had already made a donation to school a third-world girl for a year in my name (awesome!).  Son Ben paid a visit to make us lunch and visit in the sun over lunch.  In the afternoon, I went to a concert with #2 daughter–by a choir she was a member of when she was in school.  My own mother had been a choir director, and her presence was strong as the chorale music filled our souls.

#2 Daughter and I finished the afternoon with a visit to my father, highlighted by watching the end of the Brewers game and an extended search for #2’s phone – which was eventually found in the cushions of a chair.

Lots of family, with doses of sun, nostalgia, tennis and music.  All in all, a most excellent weekend.

Spiraling

Well, well.  We may finally be getting an answer to the question I posed just a few days ago: Is there any act that is too outrageous, unlawful, unconstitutional, self-serving, embarrassing or cruel  for Trump to be held accountable by the Republican’ts?

Given recent events, we are seeing the faintest glimmer of hope that a few Republican’s are being reintroduced to their spines:  the edges of the dark cloak of loyalty are starting to fray.   Mere obstruction of justice (firing of Comey) wasn’t compelling enough:  But–the casual sharing of highly classified information, for purposes of self-aggrandizement, to his Russian buddies just may just have crossed a line that even the Republicans won’t (or can’t) defend.

This post is short – by the time I press publish, there will no doubt be new plot twists and revelations to consider.  You just can’t make this stuff up.

 

Tweeter in Chief

The latest SNL Skit nailed it.   Alec Baldwin, as Trump, freely admits he fired former FBI Director, James Comey, because of the Russian Thing.  The interviewer looks surprised and asks as an aside: ‘Wait, did I finally ‘get’ him on flagrant obstruction of justice’?  Only to realize:  “No, it doesn’t matter – nothing matters anymore”.  Trump/Baldwin then further demonstrates his absolute power by beckoning his lapdog, Paul Ryan, with a little bell to serve him ice cream.  Unfortunately, The parody is spot-on.

The Republican majority has given Trump a blank check to run roughshod over our Democracy.  There appears to be no act that is too outrageous, unlawful, unconstitutional, self-serving, embarrassing or cruel  for Trump to be held accountable by the Republican’ts.  

Trump has been given free reign to spew his incendiary lies and tweets; to obstruct justice; to use his position for profit; and to flaunt his outright contempt for our Constitution, our laws, the media, the judiciary and civil rights.  We tell our children that actions have consequences;  yet that is clearly not true for our Tweeter-in-Chief.

Democrats, and much of America;  are relegated to the role of bystanders watching a catastrophic runaway train wreck playing out in front of us in slow motion.  Despite our screaming and waving our arms, donations, appearing at town halls, signing petitions and other energetic forms of resistance–the casualties continue to pile up, and the stench increases.

I was a teenager during Watergate.  While I had little political consciousness at that time;  I remember being affected by the message that even the President has limits to his/her (still hopeful) power; no one is above the law or the Constitution.  We are now at an equally critical crossroads in our democracy.  Is our democracy still stronger than a corrupt President?  Will checks and balances finally kick in–or will we continue our slide down a dystopian slope?

While we don’t know yet how this will end; We do know that without an active, engaged and vocal resistance, things will get far worse.  While it sometimes feels like spitting into the wind, we  must continue to fight — putting up as many roadblocks as possible against the runaway Trump train.

Trump must be stopped.  Our Democracy and way of life depends on it.

 

 

Time with the grands

I recently took a break to spend a few days with the just-turned-4 twin grand girls. Usually Grandpa and Auntie Dee Dee accompany me on weekend trips, which translates to a total of five adults doting on the darlin’s during our visits; one of those adults being their momma;  who is (understandably) their favorite go-to person in almost any situation.  This generally means that the girls are wound up over all the extra attention, and it is difficult to carve out some quiet one-on-one (or one-on-two) time with them.

So, for this trip, I strategically left Grandpa Dan and Auntie Dee Dee behind, and babysat the girls for a few days during the work week. We played with play-doh, we sang songs, we went on bike and scooter rides outside, we played on the swing set (going REALLY High), we read books, we played Hi-Ho Cherry-O (remember that one?), we did chalk sidewalk drawings, and so on.  A couple times I turned on a Peppa Pig video when I needed some time to prep for lunch or clean up a mess.  They adore Peppa Pig!

At one point while we were playing outside little X2 said I was a flower and pretend-watered me.  I spread out my arms like I was growing, and she gave me a radiantly beautiful smile.  My heart melted.  Little X1 made dozens of play-doh pasta pieces for me to ‘eat’, chattering and narrating every step of the way in both Spanish and English.

We made cookies; using both chocolate AND butterscotch chips and had great fun dumping in the ingredients, stirring, taste-testing the batter and randomly glopping the cookies on the cookie sheets.  Then… grandma made a mistake.  Grandma forgot that their gas oven burns hotter than most.  Grandma forgot that the extra dose of chips in the cookies means more sugar in the mix – and melted sugar tends to burn.

When the smoke alarms went off – both girls started howling and one wet her pants. I tried to console them, but had no idea how to turn off the smoke detectors.  Luckily, poppa Luis raced up the stairs (he had been working in his lower level office) to open windows and shut off the alarms before helping me console the traumatized girls.   Eventually the girls calmed, and Luis was able to get back to work.

Little X2 went upstairs to her bedroom and was sitting quietly in a corner by herself. It occurred to me that she was still scared and when I asked “do you want to sit in grandma’s lap and have a cookie?”  she quietly nodded and reached up to me.   She was sitting sweetly in my lap, munching a crispy cookie, when she wrinkled her nose, looked up and me and said “This is disgusting!”   We all had a good laugh over that!

The following day after a long walk, X1 climbed in my lap and I read her several books while she nestled into me sleepily, and my heart melted for a final time  before hitting the road back to Wisconsin.  It is just those kind of ‘small’ moments that I came for, and I was not disappointed.

This grandma gig is pretty sweet – even though I won’t be baking cookies again for awhile.

The TrumpCare Shit Sandwich

A warning–I am cranky this morning. If you are allergic to strong language or opinions, move on.  There are lots of pictures of kittens on Facebook.

With the latest Trump Care bill, The Republicans just fed us all a shit sandwich that they won’t eat themselves. They made sure to exempt themselves from the Amendment that they just passed–without even acknowledging the utter hypocracy of that stance.

In March, the original TrumpCare bill was pronounced Dead on Arrival and was rejected by Doctors, Hospitals, AARP, and anyone with a knowledge of how our health care system works. It lacked support to be put up for vote because (as it turns out) Republicans determined that it was not cruel enough.

The Republicans fixed that problem: the revised Bill / Amendment is cruel enough to bring a smile to the lips of even the most malicious tea party dude. The ‘old’ bill only cut coverage to 24 million Americans, early predictions are that 129 Million Americans will be uninsurable under the new bill — primarily those who are ill and/or elderly.  Some people with a history or heart disease or cancer, or even acne, heartburn, back pain, asthma, hay fever or hives could be rendered uninsurable for life. (A factoid is from the LA Times).

Why are they doing this???  It clearly isn’t because this plan provides such great health care for the American people (some Republicans admit they didn’t even read the damn thing).   There appears to be two motivations, the first is to repeal and replace ObamaCare (ACA) at ANY cost, because they despise anything and everything associated with Obama; and secondly because the bill results in a significant tax break — for the wealthiest Americans of course.

In other words: The Republicans are providing a tax cut for the wealthy by gutting health coverage for millions of Americans.  If that isn’t a shit sandwich, I don’t know what is.

The silver lining (although I realize shit sandwiches do not have linings and that I have mixed my metaphors)… will be a harsh backlash against Republican House Members in the 2018 elections.  When the healthcare bill passed in the House, Democrats sang “na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, hey, hey, goodbye” to GOP members facing reelection in 2018.   It is upon all of US to ensure that this prediction holds true.

This is the time for engagement and action.  Use your time, your talents, your energy, your dollars and your votes to assure that this bill does not pass the Senate and that sanity will be restored in 2018.

 

 

Eating Right

I entered a 14 day challenge where I work out, to adopt 10 healthy habits for 14 days.  This includes drinking water (LOTS of water), no alcohol, no soda, enough sleep, eating 6 servings of veggies a day, exercising, stretching, keeping a gratitude journal, and NO sugar.

Somewhat surprisingly, the toughest item for me has been ‘no sugar’ .  I already exercise and journal regularly;  I’ve gotten used to the water (and peeing all the dang time); and so far, have eliminated soda and alcohol from my diet, while adding more veggies.  I am regularly scoring 8 or 9 out of the 10 point scale.

However, my sweet tooth is a well-deserved legend in our household. There have been a couple days I’ve especially gone overboard with the twisted logic of “You’ve already blown it for today, so go ahead and splurge!”   A more healthy response would be:  That was a yummy muffin; instead of:  “Dang, I blew it already today, so I might as well go ahead and have the jumbo bag of M&Ms too”.

I have concluded that for me the threshold of zero added sugar is counter-productive and unrealistic, and I am done beating myself up over it.

Looking through another lens: as an eating disorder advocate, I am  skeptical of dietary restrictions; even when given with the best of intentions.  The very act of restricting can be triggering for anyone with a history or tendancy towards excessive restricting or binge eating.   My own response is on the ‘binge’ side of the spectrum.

Studies show that dieting for weight loss is unsustainable and unhealthy; leading to yo-yo results and counter-productive metabolic changes.  The truth is, what is a healthy weight for one person, is not necessarily healthy (or sustainable) for the next person.

There have been a several occasions where I’ve encountered so-called experts giving advice on how to reduce calories; with the assumption that ‘everyone’ is interested in losing weight. I try to diplomatically challenge their views — with mixed results.  Many people are completely entrenched in the believe system that ‘everyone’ should be skinny and that skinny = good health.

I recall a conversation with a young woman who was hospitalized several times for being severely underweight.  Even when she was close to dying, she continued to received a barrage of compliments on her figure and attention from men.

It is a very disturbing reflection on our society that a woman who is severely underweight and near death is considered the epitomy of attractiveness.

As an eating disorder advocate, I have heard versions of this story many times.  The pervasive attitude that skinny = healthy is also a barrier to recovery, as sufferers are reluctant to lose that identity.

The notion that we should all be skinny is not realistic or desirable. We should not all aspire to be size twos.  I will never look like Gwyneth Paltrow, no matter how many 14 Day challenges I do.  My short, curvy body is strong and healthy and is just right for ME.  We should focus on our own health and wellness, without comparison to or judgement of others.

It can be good to challenge ourselves to improve our habits; with a goal of being a better version of ourselves.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to walk the dog and then have a yummy spinach salad:  right after I take a pee.

 

An unusual morning

As usual, the alarm clock woke me up this morning before I was really ready to wake up.

As usual, I stumbled into some shoes and took the dog out for a walk:  it was darker than usual, which I  attributed to the cloudy weather.

As usual, I donned my work-out clothes and loaded my work clothes, laptop and other items that I would need today into the car.

As usual, I headed to the Transformation Center, where I work out three mornings a week before work.  The traffic seemed lighter than usual. Lucky me!

As usual, the parking lot was fairly full and music pumped loudly out the open window of the early morning Bootcamp class.

As usual, I grabbed my stuff and headed up the stairs, into the locker room to stash my items and change my shoes.

As usual, I filled up my water bottle and headed back to the room where my 6:45 Fit Over Fifty class is held.  At the doorway I stopped short, as there was another class underway with an instructor I did not recognize with a group of sweaty participants that I also did not recognize.

The truth came on me in a flash:  It was 5:45 … not 6:45 in the morning. After a few moments of chastising myself and retroactively fitting in the puzzle pieces from other clues in the morning, I concluded that there had been a serious user error when I set my alarm clock the evening before (an error I have since confirmed), resulting in setting the clock ahead by an hour.   In the IT Biz we have an acronym for this type of event:  PICNIC (Problem in Chair not in Computer/Clock).

I spent my bonus hour sitting in Starbucks sipping a plain coffee, writing this blog, choosing to savor my own personal doubling-down on daylight savings time… if only for a day.

We will see whether I am still smiling over my error when I play tennis at 7:15 pm tonight…  perhaps I will need another infusion of coffee at 5:45 pm as well.

Small Things Matter

Today, I am particularly nostalgic for the Obama’s grace and class.  Barack and Michelle always treated each other with respect and love.  In contrast, The D rarely misses an opportunity to display his  boorishness and lack of common decency.

The D consistently ignores Melania and leaves her to her own devices when going from Point A to Point B, as recently depicted in their exit from AirForce One, which is in sharp contrast to the more congenial descents of other first couples.

Monday, the D flung some poor kid’s hat into the crowd after signing it at the hastily organized White House Easter egg roll–He essentially stole some kids hat to fling into the crowd.  He also failed to put his hand over his heart during the National Anthem, until Melanie gave him a poke.

The D recently took to Twitter to defend former Fox-News pundit, Bill O’Reilly –days before O’Reilly was fired due to a egregious pattern of sexual harassment towards female colleagues.  O’Reilly and The D personify the despicable old-boy mindset that any women is fair game to be ogled and groped; or insulted if they are deemed too unattractive to ‘deserve’ their revolting advances.

To me, his outright refusal to shake hands with Angela Merkel remains as a low point in a very deep well of boorish behavior.  Although–perhaps being ignored when offering a handshake is preferred over enduring the bizarre hurky-jerky, wood -sawing motion of the D’s handshake.

In addition to his astonishing misogeny, the list of character flaws is long. The D is absurdly vain and self-centered; frequently going off-script to congratulate himself and/or nonsensically describe how awesome he is;  with  forehead-smacking results.

During an appearance with the Italian prime Minister, the D referred to the great opera tenor, Pavarotti, as his great friend:  despite the fact that Pavarotti has been dead for 10 years:  Perhaps they used to party with Fredrick Douglass, another great (and deceased) friend of The D’s.

The D is too thin-skinned to attend the up-coming White House Correspondence Dinner.  (On a side note:  Women were not allowed to attend the dinner until 1962, when a persistent (and probably nasty) woman by the name of Helen Thomas raised a ruckus about it.)

Individually, some of these events are merely fodder for a national eye-roll.  As a whole, a picture emerges of a leader who lacks basic emotional intelligence and is unable to feel empathy or respect for others.

I have a personal litmus test I use when gauging how responsible or trustworthy someone is.  My conclusion for The D is:  No, I would not trust him to feed my cat.

 

 

Orange is the new Crack

 

Addiction can come in many forms. I am addicted to Sudoku– it started as a harmless hobby, but has become an addiction that interferes with important life activities, such as blogging and sleeping.  So far, the only people harmed are myself, my husband and my doggie—who looks at me beseechingly, wanting to play, while I embark on ‘just one more game’ on my I-Pad.

The D’s regime administration feeds upon the addict-like zealous support among his passionate faithful. (For new readers, I refer to #45 as ‘the D’, since I got tired of typing “he who shall not be named”).    Like addicts everywhere, his true believers are adept at rationalizing bizarre, cruel, unlawful and unprecedented presidential behavior; without regard for consequences or impacts to others—anything to feed the insatiable power-lust of their leader.

His supporters regularly rally against their own best interests in support of policies that will strip away health care, transfer even more wealth to the 1%, destroy our environment, erode human rights, and ensure the proliferation of ignorance by compromising the education of our children.  Like addicts (and following their leader’s example) they will find others to blame—specifically Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Addicts can only be cured once they admit they have a problem; which is unlikely to happen with the dial set to Fox News 24/7.

Yet—who am I to judge?   My own ‘dial’ is set permanently to the Huffington Post and similar news feeds.  Am I equally blind to rational points of view that differ from my own knee-jerk reaction to oppose all things Trump?   Am I capable of objectivity, or am I so completely outraged that I will be unable to recognize it if and when The D does something decent?

This is a marathon.  It is important to take breaks periodically to regroup, re-center, and assure that we maintain the will, the energy and the humanity to continue without burning out; without losing sight of what we are fighting FOR, and without becoming the flip side of the orange demagogue that we rail against.

Orange is the new crack – Don’t lose yourself in the fight.