by Paula | Sep 3, 2023 | Family, Paula Persists
I have enjoyed this summer to the max–due in large part to my June retirement from the working world.
Retirement and aging looks different for everyone – old(ish) age is where life choices, genetics, and personal histories converge and every path is different. Recognizing that it isn’t all roses (hello, arthritis!) I have compiled a top 5 list of the benefits of many birthdays:
- Eligibility for Medicare. In the USA, we have a terrible health care system. The deductible and co-pays are crippling – even for those lucky enough to have employer subsidized health insurance. Pre-Medicare I absolutely avoided going to the doctor. I didn’t like the HMO I was locked into and the out of pockets costs were ridiculous. Now, I can pick my own doctor (which is amazing!) and the cost is reasonable.
- Retirement-not working. For the most part, I enjoyed working, and was never someone who dreaded Mondays. A lot of my identity was wrapped up in my work, and I was a bit apprehensive as to how I would respond to no longer having a job. I needn’t have worried. While I do miss the people, I do not miss the daily grind and stress. Now, the only time I set my alarm clock is if I have an early court time!
- Retirement-More time for family and travel. My retirement kicked off with 12 days watching the grandkids while their parents took a much-deserved vacation. In July, we attended an extended family reunion in Colorado, Dan and I went to a couple Brewer games and are planning a longish trip to Europe this fall; and I spent a long weekend in NYC with my youngest. It has been wonderful to have more time to spend with the people I love.
- Retirement-More Time for ME! Most days find me on either the tennis court, the pickleball court and/or the health club pool. I take our mutt on daily long walks. When the weather cools, I have ambitions for household projects, volunteering, learning the ukelele, and other pursuits. I have always had an internal clock ticking away in my brain, aware of the list of things that need to get done. Now, that ‘clock is quieting, and I have the luxury of unstructured time.
- Being comfortable in my own skin. As I age, I find that I am less and less concerned with what others think about me, and more accepting of myself. I wear comfy shoes and no longer dye my hair. In our social-media saturated, appearance-obsessed culture, not caring what others think is something of a super-power.
My advice is to EMBRACE those birthdays–There is joy in having many trips around the sun.
by Paula | Dec 26, 2022 | Family, Paula Persists
When something goes very wrong, there is a temptation to dive into the depths of what-ifs and second-guessing choices along the way. In hind-sight there are always different paths or actions that could have been taken that could have led to a happier result.
If everything had played out according to plan my husband and I, my son and his wife, and my youngest daughter would all be in Cancun right now, sharing a large and lovely beach-side condo with my oldest daughter and her family. Instead, the five of us are back in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin, while my daughter and family are in Cancun.
IF I had made different flight choices;, IF our flight out of O’Hare had not had mechanical issues, IF there hadn’t been so many rebooked flights ahead of us due to weather; we would ALL be there. It can drive you absolutely crazy thinking about it.
This was to have been a once-in-a-lifetime special vacation for myself and my offspring, along with their spouses and kids. Today, we are all mourning the loss of the extended family time in paradise.
While my oldest daughter and family did make it to Cancun, it is turning out to be a very different vacation than the one they were anticipating – with no other family members to join on excursions, play games with during the many rainy days, or to generally visit with them and help with their three young children.
My sister, who lives many states away, put things in perspective for me last night as we chatted by phone. Shit Happens. There are far more tragic events that happen due to moments and decisions we can never recall. We do our best to pick up the pieces and move on.
In the bigger picture, the loss of the vacation is sad, but not tragic. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say there is a silver-lining, there were many silvery moments:
- A tearful heart-to-heart with my son (who I don’t see often enough) in the lobby of the Chicago hotel at 2 am Christmas Day
- Hearing my daughter-in-law’s laugh – which is always amazing (before the flight got cancelled of course)
- My husband staying cool and collected through hours of frustrating (and ultimately unsuccessful) negotiations with the airline to get rebooked
- Making a pinky-promise with my youngest daughter at the bar of the hotel (I cannot divulge the terms)
- Sitting on my daughter-in-law’s lap on the overly crowded hotel shuttle and enjoying a few laughs with perfect strangers in the process
- Sharing jackets and shoes with my husband and daughter as we dealt with much more exposure to the bitter cold than I was prepared for
- A Christmas day buffet breakfast in the hotel, where the five of us exchanged a few gifts and did our best to salvage some Christmas cheer, albeit amid some tears.
- My impromptu gift to my kids was a tennis ball with ‘Xmas 2022, F**k Delta’ written on it. (The TRIP was my real gift… *sigh*)
- The FaceTime call with our family members in Cancun – the highlight of which was the huge smile that came over the two-year olds face when he saw us on screen. (OK, that one still makes me tear up a little bit)
- The people we met along the way that empathized and offered support:
- The driver who helped cram way too many people (and their luggage) on the inadequately small shuttle from the airport
- The Hotel staff who got called into work on Christmas eve due to the influx of disgruntled passengers dumped on them last-minute-including the sole waiter who dashed around setting up a buffet for 200 people.
- The patient hotel clerk who gave me supplies and empathy during my middle of the night pity-party
- The hotel maid with whom I commiserated at 6 am (I hope her daughter made it from Denver)
- The brother and sister-in-law that invited Dan and I over for an impromptu leftover Christmas dinner – recognizing we were returning to a house devoid of food on Christmas evening.
I am writing this the morning after Christmas day. Eventually my emotional hangover will ease and the knot in my tummy will loosen. Today, we will get groceries, fetch our mutt from doggie day car, unpack and resume our daily lives. The battle with Delta for refunds/compensation has begun. Live goes on, even when Shit Happens.
by Paula | Jun 25, 2022 | Paula Persists
Yesterday’s SCOTUS decision was the latest of a series of terrific blows. It appears the goal of both GOP and tRUMP-loaded SCOTUS is to criminalize pregnancy and to impose total state-control over a woman’s body. The hypocrisy of a party that claims to advocate for personal autonomy and limited government is stunning; but only until you realize that this philosophy only applies to themselves. The rest of us can go to hell–or at least to jail, for trying to act like autonomous human beings with control over our own bodies.
The current wave of anti-abortion sentiment is particularly hostile and cruel. The idea that a woman who is impregnated, regardless of circumstances or medical considerations, has no agency over her own body is beyond frightening. The woman or her ‘accomplices’ can be sent to jail for a range of perceived sins from miscarriage to still birth. It is a dystopian scenario for any woman of child bearing abilities. It is frightening and dangerous to become pregnant it today’s America.
The concern for babies stops at birth. Once born, the GOP doesn’t give a shit, and won’t lend a hand (or a buck) to help feed, house or otherwise care for that child. In a less tragic scenario, one would think that anyone with a self-proclaimed ‘pro-life’ label would be first in line to assure that moms and babies have the resources to thrive: access to quality medical care, housing, food, paid time-off from work, quality daycare, etc. But, no. The richest nation in the world treats new parents and their babies worse than any other ‘industrialized’ nation.
Although the state MANDATES that a child be born, the tremendous burden of caring for that child rests solely on the parents shoulders.
Today, we breath, and tomorrow we persist. I’m not sure exactly what that looks like today – but while pondering those next steps, I’m going to search my closet for my pussy hat– I’m going to need it.
by Paula | Apr 25, 2021 | Family, Paula Persists
It is a lazy April Sunday. Like many of my friends, I find myself slowly and cautiously emerging from the emotional malaise of the last 4 plus years. I find myself unexpectedly smiling for no particular reason in the grocery store, laughing at the dog’s antics, watching the trees bud, and appreciating moments of pure contentment. I had such a moment this morning; as I savored my morning coffee; reflecting that I have a good book, a good dog and a good man. Life is good.
I wish you all contentment and joy in the moments of your lives.
by Paula | Feb 7, 2021 | Paula Persists
2021 is off to a great start! tRump has slunk away to Mar-Largo; Pres. Biden is taking bold steps to undo the most egregious of his predecessor’s cruel policies; QAnon is losing some believers due to the absence of ‘Q’ predicted violence at Biden’s inaugural; and tRump’s impeachment trial is moving forward, despite the fact that he can’t seem to attract or retain a competent legal team that is willing to lie about the 2020 election results to Congress.
All of this is wonderful news, warranting a significant lifting of the dread that has been on our collective shoulders for the past four years.
And yet, the landscape has forever changed. Outrageous Right-wing conspiracy theories continue to threaten our national discourse and Democracy. GOP lawmakers, even those that briefly relocated their spine on Jan. 6th, are now dismissing and minimizing the events of that day–preferring to absolve everyone involved of any consequences under a self-serving guise of ‘moving on’. At the same time, many of those same lawmakers continue to give fuel to the Big Lie: That the 2020 election was rife with fraud; behavior that is the exact opposite of ‘moving on’.
Why won’t the Big Lie die? Why do so many people continue to believe that 45 actually won the election, despite all the facts, evidence and lost court cases? I have two friends whose husbands have fallen into this particular Conspiracy Theory ‘Rabbit hole’, believing that tRump actually won. Their wives (my friends) are aghast. These are good, decent and intelligent men. How could they be so thoroughly duped like this? Lately, I have been reading about and pondering that question.
The Big Lie and other Conspiracy Theories flourish on Social Media. Adherents are like video-game junkies, wherein the gamers themselves write the story — stories that get traction and credibility as they are repeated and elaborated upon by their fellow gamers/theorists. It appears that no theory is too outrageous or bizarre to get traction. (Jewish space lasers anyone?) No actual evidence or facts are required to gain adherents for their bizarre logic-bending conclusions. The anger of the conspiracy theorists literally feeds on itself, creating huge conflagrations of misinformation-fueled anger and rage. As one my friend’s husband has said “If so many people believe it, it must be true”.
Herein is the dilemma. Our founding fathers most certainly had not envisioned the Internet or the emergence of Social Media: trolling wasn’t a thing in 1776. Where are the limits of Free Speech? Why is Hate Speech protected? Why are trolls allowed to harass, threaten and belittle with impunity? Why are debunked and outrageous Big Lies and Conspiracy theories allowed to prosper and grow?
I understand the dilemma of Big Companies like Facebook or Twitter being the arbiters of what is and is not protected speech. Yet, in their efforts to stay neutral, they have enabled and empowered the bullies, trolls and conspiracy theory whackos. How do we enable a SAFE platform for sharing ideas and opinions that also incorporates common sense oversight?
These are tough and necessary questions for scholars smarter than myself or Mark Zuckerberg.
by Paula | Jan 13, 2021 | Paula Persists
We had barely exhaled a collective sigh of relief that 2020 was finally over, when the Capitol riot took our collective breath away a mere 6 days into the new year. In horrible fashion, we finally got answer to this question: how bad does tRump’s behavior need to be before he starts losing GOP support? After four years of horrific behavior and unspeakable cruelty, it took a violent attack on our Capitol for at least some of his sycophants to find their spines.
At long last, there is some accountability and consequences for tRump and his rabid followers for their words and their actions. While we do not yet know the full extent of those consequences, tRump has lost his precious Twitter account—which he clearly mourns more than the deaths that occurred on Jan. 6th.
As I write this, more details continue to emerge hourly regarding the scope and intent of the attack. It is even more horrible and premeditated than was originally known. Over time we will learn more about culpability from those we trusted to govern as well as those we trusted to serve and protect.
Despite all this, tRump continues to sow division and maniacal support from his most rabid followers–those that continue to insist that the election was rigged: despite all the facts, audits, recounts and court cases that consistently indicate a fair election. Their only ‘evidence’ are the lies and debunked conspiracy theories promulgated by tRump and his lapdogs.
During BLM protests, police in riot gear tear-gassed and shot rubber bullets into a largely peaceful crowd to enable tRump’s photo opp. Prior to that over 100 women were arrested for non-violently and legally being in the Capitol to protest a Supreme Court confirmation Hearing. Raphael Warnock was arrested for PRAYING in the Capitol. It is clear that the police have no issues repelling and arresting women and people of color for simply ‘being’.
Contrast that to last week, where White Privilege was blatantly on display for the world to see. A group of mostly white men (some of whom were armed), broke windows, unlawfully entered Congressional chambers and offices, beat cops, destroyed property, threatened the lives of our country’s leaders, built a gallows, shit in the halls, and trampled one of their own to death; after which they were gently ushered out and went out together to have a beer. The lack of policing and the paltry number of immediate arrests of this mob is equally as incomprehensible and horrible as the riot itself.
2021 is the sequel to 2020, and thus far it does not bode well. We are all depleted, we need to give and receive grace. My friends, please remember to breath and take care of yourselves in the storms to come.
