Yes, it is only 3 days after posting my ‘life is good’ post. Today I’m in a funk.
We’re experiencing continued drama from my husband’s former employer. Without going into the details: money is owed and lawyers are being called. The continued injustice weighs heavily on my mind. I have an unhealthy tendancy to brood over such things, and I need to find a way past it — for my own peace of mind.
This is a sad weekend. Today was a funeral for an elderly gentleman at church — although I did not know him well, he was a member of the same church choir that I sang in for many years. Tomorrow is a memorial event for my daughter, Kelly’s friend (Jess) who died recently in a tragic hiking accident at the age of 33.
I showed up early for today’s funeral, brought a salad, paid brief respects to the family, and went downstairs to practice with the choir. I used to be stellar member of my church and choir, but I have not attended regularly for the last few years. Many people greeted me warmly and wanted to catch up. It seems odd, but I simply wasn’t able to cope with the reunion aspect of the event. I became uncharacteristically overwhelmed, weepy and left. It may also be a delayed response to my own mother’s recent funeral.
I’m glad that I went home. Guzzy and I played a rousing game of cards that (as usual) got us both laughing and (even more importantly) got me out of my own head… which has been a negative place recently.
This afternoon, I did my volunteer afternoon shift at the Solo and Ensemble event at our local High School. I was the room monitor for a vocal performance room. It was fascinating and inspiring to hear the fledgling musicians, and to hear all the positive, encouraging remarks from the upbeat judge. She had positive remarks for everyone — which in some cases required admirable creativity.
My funk has now downgraded to a reflective mood, which will certainly persist through tomorrow’s memorial service for Jess. Kelly will be in town to pay her respects; it will be a sad reunion with many of her friends from High School. Maybe we can play a card game with Guzzy afterwards. Tears and Laughter often go together.