by Paula | May 8, 2015 | Uncategorized
(is it ironic that I accidentally published/posted this before it was done; so I had to delete the original post and then REPOST an updated version of a post that has ‘redux’ in the title?)
About 6 months ago, I started another book club. I had ulterior motives. I didn’t want to lose touch with the group of smart, funny, and generally wise-ass women I had gotten to know at my then workplace; since some of them (as well as myself) have since moved on to other professional pastures. Although the politics of that workplace frequently made our eyes roll back in our heads in collective disbelieve and dismay; this group of co-workers was amazing. I have never made better friends so quickly at work.
B and I worked together quite a bit and we have a shared sense of humor. If we sat next to each other during a meeting there was a very good chance that one of us would crack up; which was problematic and slightly unprofessional since one of us (or both of us) were generally running the meeting. B would mumble sarcastic comments under her breath so only I could hear them; and I would occasionally send snarky instant messages (IMs) about the unfortunate casual Friday wardrobe choice of a colleague. A tip to any male readers: Short shorts are a poor choice at work (or anyplace else) This isn’t the 70s!
For those of you that work in offices: The next time you are in a meeting and people are focused on their laptops – keep in mind that they are probably IMing the person across the table about lunch plans or about the Edward Scissorshands-like hairdo on the 12 year-old intern sitting next to them.
My first book club was great fun for several years, until we experienced too much attrition to keep it going. One member moved to Florida (Hi Cheryl!), another decided to travel the world (Hi Deanne), another kind of drifted away (Miss You S!). Scheduling with the remaining few became a nightmare. We are all still friends, although we don’t see each other nearly enough.
So – the new book club is now in full swing and it feels like it has gelled into something that we value and (therefore) will continue. For your reading pleasure, I offer my personal recipe for a successful bookclub.
1. The main ingredient is 3-6 Fun, funny, smart women friends (Men are optional, but their presence will inhibit important conversations about menopause)
2. Wine: B provided glasses that would hold a whole bottle. Which is good, because I was driving and could only have one glass.
3. A book selection: We rotate book selection, which means we get a reasonable variety. Keep in mind that not everyone needs to like every book. In fact, we have more interesting discussions when some like the book and some don’t. (Warning: according to SOME ‘The Shipping News’ is too dense and it is a poor choice- humph).
4. Wine: I personally prefer white, but its best to have both red and white.
5. Snacks: Most of my sisters-in-books like to show-off with home-made items, including bacon wrapped goodies. (you can wrap almost anything in bacon and it is delicious). Of course, if you have enough wine, a box of Ritz crackers and a tub of cheez-whiz will do.
6. Location: We rotate among our houses. the host provides the snacks and WINE. We don’t go crazy about cleaning. That defeats the purpose of a stress-free evening with friends.
So, there you go: Free of charge – a proven recipe for success. Read on!
by Paula | Feb 11, 2015 | Family, Uncategorized
In High school my oldest daughter, Kelly, had a good friend, whom she called Jess Dude; it was never just Jess–It was Jess DUDE. Like Kelly, Jess had an unique free spirit and a love of nature and travel. Kelly and Jess had many adventures together.
Like the time they went backpack camping in Canada — the kind of camping that I would personally not dream of doing; they carried in all their supplies on their backs and carried everything back out with them. The trip included three (maybe 4?) young women in a remote area of Canada sleeping in the woods. They shared a love of nature and were all strong, independent free spirits. But, they had a problem; none of them could cook worth a damn without a microwave. They rotated cooking chores and made a rule: You can only ask ONE question about the food.
Like the time that Jess Dude met Kelly and I in Washington DC for a March for Reproductive Rights. We were part of the “Cheeseheads for Choice” contingent. There were over a million marchers and many empassioned speeches by the likes of Hilary Clinton and Gloria Steinem. Of course, most people were unaware of the march, since that was also the day that Michael Jackson dangled his (then) baby son over a hotel balcony–apparently stealing all the available media attention for that entire week.
Like the time during that same trip to Washington DC when Jess Dude and Kelly woke me up in our hotel room at 2 am all excited to show me an unusual bug they found nearby — they were geeky weird that way (or maybe there was alchohol involved… not sure)
Like the time Jess Dude rode to Minneapolis with us in preparation for Kelly’s wedding (she was a bridesmaid). She regaled us during the 4+ hour trip (OK, five hours if you include the unplanned speeding ticket delay) with stories from her recent 6 month stay in Indonesia. Jess Dude had a unique story-telling style; which meandered through dimensions of time and geography in a very non-linear fashion with so many sidebars that she and her audience were regularly completely derailed from the original story-line. We were enthralled, amused and bemused by her tales of misadventure and discovery.
Once in Minneapolis we shared a hotel suite the night before the wedding. Jess was looking out the window and in a very conversational mild tone mentioned “Guys – There’s a guy down there with a gun”. My husband joined her at the window, where he and Jess witnessed a drug deal gone bad. They subsequently gave statements to the police. It was yet another memorable and eventful evening with Jess Dude.
Kelly has many more memories and adventures. The last several years they have been far apart, since Jess has been working and living in remote areas of Alaska. She did licensing inspections on commercial fishing boats–one of a handful of women doing that type of work. But, despite the distance, they stayed in touch. They were soul-sisters.
Today Kelly mourns her sister. Jess went missing while taking a hike in a remote mountainous area. Yesterday they recovered her body from a snowy ravine.
We never know what’s around that next corner–what trajectory will follow our next step. What would you do differently if you knew you had little time to live? To borrow another way of phrasing the question (from Lean In): “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Jess wasn’t afraid – she did what she loved, on her own terms and was not bound by convention or other people’s notions of who or what she should be. She is already sorely missed.
