by Paula | Oct 16, 2014 | Anorexia sucks
This has been an amazing day, I am already fired up from the inspirational people I’ve met this evening at the National Eating Disorder Association Conference. My brain is already brimming and the conference has barely started.
My first ‘AHA’ moment of the day occured as I was waiting for a flight in the Houston airport. I have been reading ‘The Children’s Act’ by Ian McEwan. The narrator is a judge who decides a difficult case wherein a family’s religious beliefs prevent them from agreeing to a life-saving treatment for their 17 year old son. The hospital appeals to the courts to allow the treatment, and after significant deliberation (SPOILER ALERT), the judge rules that the hospital can administer the treatment. Tough decision – right? After his treatment and recovery, the young man writes the judge with the insight that it was actually the best possible outcome; the family held true to their religious beliefs AND his life was saved, since the decision for treatment was TAKEN OUT OF THEIR HANDS. Talk about your Win Win situation! (SPOILER ALERT postscript – the rest of the book isn’t quite so uplifting… but I chose to ignore that for purposes of this specific epiphany.)
When I read that part, I got chills, because that is EXACTLY what it was like to stand up to my daughter’s eating disorder. ED wouldn’t let my daughter choose to eat, so we took that decision away from her in order to provide the life-saving treatment she needed. I have read accounts of sufferers expressing relief when their parents ‘made’ them eat; allowing them to eat without debilitating anxiety and guilt — because they had no choice in the matter, no matter how loudly ED screamed in their ear. A win, win, lose situation, with ED being the loser.
The conference hotel is in downtown San Antonio – it is absolutely beautiful (and it better be at these prices!) We had some introductory sessions this evening, and I’ve met several beautiful young ladies that are recovered and helping others in a variety of ways. I have also met several other parents, including a dad who shared his heart-breaking story about his 17 year old daughter who continues to struggle after several rounds of hospitalization.
There are many exhibitors that are largely treatment providers from around the country. Next year I want to set up a stand and sell ED punching bags and dart boards. I think they would sell like hot cakes!
by Paula | Oct 15, 2014 | Anorexia sucks
I am in a hotel room in Milwaukee watching ‘Real 911 Calls”; largely because I can’t figure out the hotel TV, I am reduced to watching some nimrod call 911 because the neighbor lady won’t return the soccer ball her kids kicked over the fence. Of course, as much as I disdian reality TV, I appear to be watching it. Oh wait – here is a commercial for something called “Extreme Cheapskates”… good god. These people are flossing their teeth with their hair.
Earlier tonight Dan and I had a nice dinner together at a fine dining establishment just a few blocks from our house. It is a real throwback to the type of supper clubs that were extremely popular 40-50 years ago with with dim lights; heavy furniture; tablecloths; and salad bars containing iceburg lettuce, shredded cheddar cheese, cottage cheese and fermented peaches. The chalk board by the door listed the Wednesday night special as (no lie) the Friday night fish fry. After dinner I dropped Dan back at home and drove to my park-n-fly location in Milwaukee, where I will board a flight to San Antonio in the early morning.
As I scroll through the trashy reality TV options, I am reminded of the controversy awhile ago surrounding the winner of the Biggest Loser (a title that is at least as confusing as the Wednesday night Friday fish fry); when the winner appeared to be dangerously underweight.
I have always been particularly appalled by this show — it represents an extreme form of fat-shaming that subjects desperate people to eating disordered behavior: excessive levels of dietary restriction and purging via excessive exercise. That behavior simply isn’t healthy for anyone, and should not be encouraged or dramatized.
With the exception of severe anorexics; you just cannot tell if someone has an eating disorder or is malnourished by looking at them. Bulemics (and those afflicted with other disorders) come in all sizes; someone of a normal or above average weight can still be malnourished and/or dangerously ill. Many people appear fine on the outside, but their health and quality of life have been seriously impaired by disordered eating.
It’s getting late; I’ll be turning in soon. I think I forgot to bring dental floss, but lucky for me I have hair to spare.
by Paula | Oct 13, 2014 | Anorexia sucks
I am heading to San Antonio, Texas later this week for the annual National Eating Disorders Association conference. This will be my first time, and I am really looking forward to it. NEDA is a wonderful organization, and I want to leverage the expertise at the conference to learn how I can become an advocate to raise awareness (and funds) in support of those affected by eating disorders within my own community, which has woefully inadequate options for treating EDs in adolescents. I am also looking forward to meeting many ED moms (and dads) in person. Online support was such a critical component when my own daughter was very sick; and I anticipate a kinship among the other parents that are able to attend the conference.
I also have some more selfish reasons for attending: I relish the idea of a few days in a warm climate and a few days away from ‘it all’… my usual hustle and bustle of work and family concerns. I truly enjoy having a few days off my personal grid doing something out of the ordinary. It was either this or a tennis camp. I suspect my husband will also enjoy the relative peace and quiet for a few days… just enough to miss me!
The only other time I went to San Antonio WAS for a tennis camp a few years ago. John Newcombe has a tennis camp just a few miles out of town — newktennis. It is run by a couple of high energy Australians, who got me to try Vegemite; (which is truly HIDEOUS stuff). There I was–a Midwesterner in Texas, at a camp run by Australians, attended by a largely Canadian group of tennis nuts. Life is funny sometimes -Eh?
Who knew it would be that easy to tie in a tennis story to my pending trip — A two for one!
by Paula | Oct 11, 2014 | Uncategorized
My son, Ben, is incredibly smart; which he has demonstrated with two remarkable accomplishments to-date: Earning a physics degree and marrying Jess; or as we like to call her–Jeff (due to an unfortunate, yet humorous, misspelling on a cake that read “Welcome back Ben and Jeff”).
Being my son, Ben was always a bit on the small side, and was / is a bit of a geek. His talents lay in math and science, versus sports. Growing up, he wasn’t much of a talker. The fall he was in 6th grade he went out for football, and when I asked how practice went he generally replied “I got squashed” without further elaboration. Eventually, he gave up football, found his voice and went out for forensics and dramatic endeavors for a few years, before settling into his ultimate recreational calling of playing video games.
Ben was 18 years old on 9/11 – THE 9/11 when our world changed. As awful as that day was, it took a more personal turn when it occurred to me that my son was a prime age to be drafted into the armed services. As it turns out, our country did not bring back the draft, and many courageous young (and not so young) men and women stepped forward to serve our country. My son was not initially among them.
Shortly after his graduation from college, Ben bulked up enough to meet the minimum weight requirement and joined the army. On leave from basic training, he and Jess got married in a civil ceremony on a Tuesday afternoon. Shortly thereafter Ben was deployed to Afghanistan, where his unit did route clearance, looking for improvised explosive devices (IEDs). I still shiver at the term. (As a side note: 2 weeks after Ben’s arrival, the military finally found Osama bin Laden. No doubt he heard Ben was in town and just gave up. At least that is my theory. )
Communication with Ben was difficult, and I took to carrying my cell phone around with me at work, ready to step out of any meeting if he was able to get a call through during my morning–we usually connected about once a month. I sent a LOT of care packages with cookies, hats, magazines, books, etc. But mostly, I worried.
To all the men and women of the Armed Forces, past and present, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your service. Once in the Atlanta airport I bought lunch for a couple of servicemen in uniform. They came over to thank me and said they were on their way to Afghanistan. I somewhat tearfully asked them to look out for my son, and without even blinking; they said they would.
After a long year, Ben returned safe in body and mind with many tales to tell (although I assume he had to take a vow of silence pertaining to his role with carrying out the Osama bin Laden raid); and I resumed breathing.
by Paula | Oct 10, 2014 | Uncategorized
I was flipping through the daily newspaper recently and ran across a blurb about an elderly woman who was mauled by a pit bull. What an awful and tragic event! I pictured a gray-haired, frail little old lady hobbling slowly along with her walker minding her own business when — WHAM ! she was bowled over by a couple nasty snarling dogs. The owner had been warned several times to control his dogs–but obviously he didn’t, and a tragedy resulted.
I was mildly outraged as I read the article, but I REALLY became outraged when I read that the elderly woman in question was 63 years old. ARE YOU FLIPPIN’ KIDDING ME! 63 is NOT elderly! I know 60+ year olds that can whup my ass (and a bunch of younger kids asses too) on or off the tennis court. They are not ELDERLY for cryin’ out loud. I will concede that the label of ‘old’ could be appropriate from the perspective of a teenager, a young child, or someone who is clueless. But the term elderly to me implies a level of fragility that certainly does not apply to most people in their sixties. (more…)
