ED and Me
When my daughter, Guzzy, was first diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa, I had a hard time comprehending the diagnosis. I was in denial and initially believed her when Guzzy very persuasively made the case that she wasn’t really sick, she was fine and everyone was over-reacting; she would eat a bit more over the summer and all would be well. At the time, I believed her, but I now realize that it was ED speaking, not wanting to alert me to the tight grip it had on my daughter.
I went through a whole gamut of emotions, fear, denial and irrational rationalizations: How could this be happening to US? Surely, she was too thin, but a label of anorexia seemed overly dramatic and sensational. How could my daughter be sick when she was doing well in school? How could she be too sick to prevent her from going on her beloved summer choir trip? And then there is this: admitting she was sick was an admission that I had failed as a mom, that I had not taken heed or action soon enough when my own daughter was wasting away before my eyes.
That was before; when I knew next to nothing about Eating Disorders. That was before I educated myself by devouring a variety of books, blogs and anything I could my hands-on. That was before we commenced on a journey of hospitalizations, therapies and meal plans. That was before I found my lifeline: an online forum of other parents FEAST .
That was before I started talking about my experiences to people in my own life and found that most people are only 1 or 2 degrees of separation away from someone who has suffered from a significant eating disorder. As a parent, I have become less afraid of sharing my experiences; as I no longer fear the judgement of others or of myself. Guzzy has also become more confident with sharing her story, due to the resultant outpouring of support and shared experience stories from others.
That was before I read the fabulous book: Help Your Teenager Beat an Eating Disorder by Lock and LeGrange. They devote an entire chapter to ‘Don’t Ask Why’. Boy, did I need to hear that! It turns out there is no smoking gun; no single cause or reason that causes eating disorders, and there are many theories regarding genetics as well as a wide-range of triggering environmental factors. Parents do not cause eating disorders, however parents are almost always critical to their child’s recovery.
Now that our own crisis has abated, I want to leverage some of of my hard-won knowledge and energy as an advocate for greater awareness and community Outreach. I’m not entirely certain what form that will take yet, so stay tuned!
