by Paula | Nov 15, 2014 | Family
This year I have purchased approximately 72 women’s razors–not the disposable kind, but the ‘Venus’ kind with a reusable handle that is used with replaceable razor heads – its a cool system. However, they are all missing. It’s a good thing the weather is cold and I won’t be wearing shorts any time soon.
My youngest daughter splits her time between my house and her dad’s house, and I STRONGLY suspect that if I were to ransack his house I would find at least a dozen of the missing razors as well as an assortment of my blouses, earrings and shoes. It’s not that Guzzy intends to take my things; she simply borrows them and they subsequently disappear. Once in awhile an item will reappear after a long absence, which results in a debate regarding its true ownership.
The advantage of having a son is that he doesn’t steal his mom’s stuff. However he posed other challenges during his teen years, including his period of experimentation with his hair, which led to the single most insightful statement ever uttered by his father: “That boy ain’t right”.
Ben, is still traumatized by the time that we went jeans shopping with his then-teenage sister. Kelly was (and is) a very short young lady for whom girl-size clothing styles were no longer appropriate or well-fitting. There were a grand total of 3 pairs of jeans in the entire mall that fit her (trust me, she tried on all of them). After hours of shopping, Kelly settled on a single pair; by which time I was willing to pay any price to get the heck out of the mall and Ben was showing signs of PTSD. It took her longer to select a pair of jeans than it did to be born.
Buying jeans with Ben was a breeze; it consisted of walking to a pile of jeans (in the nearest store – it didn’t matter where) and grabbing a pair off the stack. He would hold them up to himself (in lieu of trying them on); shrug, tell me “they’ll fit — I have a belt”, and we were all set. Easy Peezy.
For years I bought Ben clothes for his birthday so that he would at least temporarily have something clean to wear. For most of his college years Ben’s clothes resided on his bedroom floor. He lived in a run-down ‘student’ house with several roommates. I did not visit his house often, because I didn’t like facing the fact that one of my children was living in filth. After Ben married Jess, they moved to house in Savannah, GA next to the Army base where Ben worked. While visiting, I was totally gobsmacked by finding clean, matching towels in their bathroom. Hallelujia and Thank You Jess!
It’s Saturday and I will be running errands. The first item on my list is to buy some razors – maybe I should get the jumbo economy pack.
by Paula | Nov 11, 2014 | Anorexia sucks
I just love ED People! Two well-placed emails requesting information and I have received a treasure-trove of literature and research. While I truly despise ED, I love ED PEOPLE – the army of Eating Disorder (ED) clinicians, researchers, family members and recovered sufferers — who are dedicated to advocacy, prevention, treatment and research.
My workplace has a Wellness Program. They recently put up posters announcing the holiday ‘Maintain, don’t Gain’ program. The not-so-subtle implication of this and related programming is that weight loss = better health; restricting food intake is good for you; don’t get fat over the holidays. There are even financial awards associated with reducing your BMI, if it is considered ‘too’ high. These are educated, well-meaning people. All the more reason to talk to them. As a great teacher once said: “Forgive them, they know not what they do. ”
I sent an email, I made a call; and ultimately I met with the very nice young ladies running the Wellness program. I shared some of my personal history along with statistics that are fairly alarming regarding the incidence and impacts of ED in the U.S. They listened, they asked questions. I offered to help provide some alternate programming and educational material.
All this led to my email request for more appropriate messaging for work-based wellness programs to both NEDA and an ED prevention group I am part of. I feel as if I got invited to the ED prevention group under false pretenses. Before going to the NEDA conference, I made up business cards that gives my blog link — but doesn’t actually include my last name; which (for the record) is NOT Ponders. I met Dr. Michael Levine at the NEDA conference. We had a nice chat after which I gave him my card and was flattered when he invited me to his ED Prevention email distribution list; to whom he subsequently introduced me as Paula Ponders. Despite the fact that he is a super smart guy, he may be under the misguided impression I am someone important in my community. Ah… the power of business cards–For $9 we can all be whatever we want to be!
But I digress. Both email requests generated timely, thoughtful and prolific responses. I have spent my evening reading and getting smarter. At the present time my head is full, so I am letting some of this new knowledge leak onto this post.
The ED community has long held that BMI (Body Mass Index) alone is an unreliable and often misleading measure. There is a mountain of evidence that restricting / dieting is both ineffective and often causes more harm than good. So, BMI’s are unreliable; dieting is ineffective; what DO we believe? What programming can we preach if not weight loss?
We can give ourselves permission to be healthy and enjoy our life – at Any Size. Think about that for a second — since it runs contrary to so much of our social programming: Healthy. At. Any. Size. The goal is NOT to be skinny, or any other particular shape. Be the shape you are; respect and take care of your body; enjoy your life! It seems so simple yet so revolutionary.
Research shows dieting is ineffective, yet we continue to stress dieting as THE primary means to greater health. What a pile of doo-doo, kaka and bulls**t we’ve perpetuated over the years!
For those that want advice on how to eat at any time of the year: NEDA’s guidelines say it best: Eat what you want, when you are truly hungry. Stop when you are full. Eat what appeals to you. Do this instead of any diet, and you’re likely to maintain a healthy weight and avoid eating disorders.
If you happen to know Dr. Levine, tell him that Ms. Ponders says ‘Hi’ and ‘Thank you very much’.
by Paula | Nov 9, 2014 | Family
There’s something about Sunday nights. The activities of the weekend are past, and domestic chores beckon on the eve of a new school and work week–merely hours away.
I am particularly sad to see this weekend come to a close. We had a wonderfully chaotic family gathering at an indoor waterpark / resort. Although we celebrated an early Christmas with gifts, mostly it was an opportunity to simply spend some unhurried time together.
Of course, the 18 month old twin girls were the star attraction, and they took full advantage of a very appreciative audience –showing-off all kinds of tricks in addition to being naturally gifted in the adorable category.
The girls (in adorable matching swimsuits complete with tutus) were a tad overwhelmed by the loud, echoey waterpark, but eventually enjoyed splashed around in the kiddie-play area; where I got busted for taking one of them down a small slide on my lap. We also lied about Guzzy’s age (by 6 months) so she wouldn’t get thrown out of the adult-only hot tub. (Dang – we are SOOO bad ass!)
Little X1 was curious and toddled around the kiddie-area with a parent and/or adult relative close at hand. However, little X2 was a bit more reluctant to explore. She splashed and played, but with less gusto, and regularly retreated to the nearest welcoming set of arms. I had forgotten the simple pleasure of having a soggy, tired toddler snuggle in my lap. In short — It’s grandma heaven.
by Paula | Nov 6, 2014 | Family
Our ping-pong table is covered with brightly wrapped presents, stockings and other Christmas detritus. My children, along with their spouses and children; Dan, and I have carved out a weekend in November to spend together under the guise of a very early Christmas celebration; since complex travel plans prevent a more traditional gathering over the actual holidays. It will be an all-too-rare treat for me to have all my chicks and grandchicks together at one time.
We will all descend on an indoor water park resort in the Wisconsin Dells, where I have rented a large condo for the weekend. The water park will prove amusement for all — including the 18 month old twins. Guzzy and I are competing for who gets to hug them first when we see them, so it’s a darn good thing there are two of them!
My project manager genes are in their happy place as I plot out sleeping arrangements, meal plans, make phone calls and send reminder emails. As my husband reminds me, we’re only going to be gone two days – and they do have food in the Dells. He’s such a buzz-kill.
I have occasionally been known to over-plan. Many years ago I took my (then) 7 year old daughter and 5 year old son to Disney World. Based on all my research, I insisted we be at the starting line (I mean… the entrance) of the Magic Kingdom an hour before the official opening time, so that when they flung open the gates we would RUN to SPACE MOUNTAIN and thereby ensure the maximum amount of fun in our limited time.
My plan went off without a hitch. We got up at the crack of dawn so that we would not waste a single moment. We RAN to the ride as fast as our short legs could carry us. Due to the aforementioned short legs; we didn’t make it in time for the first ride, but we WERE on time for the second ride of the day. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! (wait – did I just unwittingly quote George W.?)
But…when they were strapping us in, I realized that I couldn’t sit NEXT to the children.. it was a single file type of roller coaster… everyone sat alone. I had also failed to account for the fact that my children were basically wimps and that this was in fact a scary roller-coaster ride through a pitch-black tunnel. Oops. I listened to their screams of fear all the way down–helpless in my own seat behind them. When the ride finally finished, they wiped away their tears and shakily climbed out of their seats saying “PLEASE Don’t make us go on that again!” It was not my proudest mom moment.
After the trauma of Space Mountain we enjoyed the park… although we had to head back to the hotel in the middle of the afternoon due to sheer exhaustion. After being back in Wisconsin for a few days I asked the kids about their favorite memory of the trip: “Eating Pizza in the Hotel Room while Watching a Movie’ was the hands-down favorite activity. *sigh*
Maybe I should look up the number of a pizza delivery place next to our weekend condo…. it just might come in handy.
by Paula | Nov 2, 2014 | Family
This morning we ‘fell back’ retrieving the extra hour of time that we lost with Daylight Savings time last spring. It is interesting to me that we make such a hoopla regarding our tracking and measuring of time; although none of it has any affect at all on the sunrise or sunset; it’s simply an illusion of control in how we choose to apportion and measure the allotted day light hours; which are all too scarce this time of year.
I spent my ‘extra’ hour visiting my mom at her Memory Care facility. She was calmer and more conversational than I have seen her for several months. While she doesn’t recognize me, she is always happy to see me. We sat in her room and visited. At one point she announced with a great deal of animation and gesticulating: “that man stepped so far out onto the penny that POOF!”; to which I responded with an appropriate degree of wonder at such a thing.
I brought mom a milkshake. Someone once asked if me if I wasn’t worried about ruining mom’s lunch… are you kidding me? If I’m ever in her position, I HOPE my children or grandchildren will regularly sneak me some cheesecake, for which I will gladly (if not wittingly) forego yet another serving of steamed broccoli and baked cod. Mom grew up helping to run the family dairy in Minnesota, and she has always enjoyed ice cream, milk and dairy products. I usually bring mom a treat when I visit; and my brothers are always encouraging me to leave a large box of chocolate covered turtles, which they particularly enjoy.
I showed her pictures of her great-grandbabies in their adorable Halloween costumes. One was a ‘scary’ cupcake and the other was a ‘scary’ strawberry. She enjoyed the pictures and agreed that there was absolutely nothing scary about either of them. When I commented that I played tennis recently she announced: “oh, I love to play tennis too, but no one will play with me!”. Despite the absurdity of the comment, it was within the context of the conversation, representing a rare moment of connection. Also, the mental image of mom playing tennis made me smile.
All in all, an hour well spent.
