by Paula | Dec 4, 2014 | Uncategorized
I often struggle to achieve a zen-like attitude at yoga. My mind’s natural state is a whirlwind of thoughts jumping from one subject to the next: What am I going to make for supper? Is my red sweater at the cleaners? Is Guzzy overdue for a dentist appointment? Do we really need to put up a real Christmas tree AGAIN this year–even though we have a perfectly good fake one? and so on.
Today I was particularly distracted by the new yoga instructor’s voice. Most yoga instructors develop a soothing, gentle tone to help create a sense of quiet relaxation. However, tonight’s instructor had a harsh nasal Minnesotan accent combined with a lisp. It was a blend of Sgt. Margie from the movie Fargo with Sid the Sloth from the Ice Age movies. I was cringing with the thought of all the spit hitting the mats as she guided us through a series of Sssun Sssalutations. ( I realize that is unkind — yet another example of my inherent state of anti-zenness.)
There is another instructor who is extraordinarily graceful, has a strong German accent, and is very emphatic in her instructions. She doesn’t just tell us to breathe… she tells us to IIINNNN-hale and EEEXXXX-hale; and in certain poses she tells us to SKVEEEEEZE our gluts. If Guzzy is in class with me, we crack up completely at about the fourth SKVEEEZE!!
Of course, focusing on the instructor’s voices distracts me from the ache in my arms, legs, and general glut area during class. Tonight I tried to comfort myself with the thought that I was much older than the rest of the class. That myth dissipated as we were leaving and several of us had a discussion about what we prefer that our grandchildren call us. FYI – Many prefer ‘nana’ to grandma–whereas I’m just fine being regular old grandma.
If you have any zen to spare; please send it to me. In the meantime, I might try a glass of wine before the next yoga class.
by Paula | Dec 3, 2014 | Anorexia sucks
ED treatment is like a marathon in that it typically takes a long time from diagnosis to recovery. At the same time, ED treatment is NOT at all like a marathon, because the length of the journey is unknown, and there is no clear-cut finish line.
While you are in the midst of it, you cannot know the duration of the remaining journey, and it can be difficult to ‘stay the course’ when you aren’t seeing progress. There were many days and weeks that I depended on my online support group to give me the strength to persevere in the face of my daughter’s severe anorexia. I have talked to mothers and sufferers who felt they were completely alone in the days before the internet–without the support of doctors or therapists who really understood what they were going through. Worst yet, were the years of blaming the parents (mostly moms) and treating the disease by performing a ‘parent-ectomy’… which was rarely effective and caused untold pain and heartache.
Even the best treatment centers can’t provide a guarantee of a cure, or a timeline for recovery. Many factors influence the rate of recovery, with no infallible formula for success.
For us–Guzzy is working hard to maintain her recovery–the final stretch of our personal journey. When her weight dips below the agreed-upon minimum threshold, her dad and I step in with smoothies in hand. In the meantime, we maintain a cautious watchfulness. Families of older teens need to maintain a delicate balance of giving the space that is needed for our near-adults to experience greater independence and make more of their own choices; while also being on the lookout for a relapse. For parents of young adults, it is an even more difficult dilemma, since the parents no longer have decision-making authority for their grown children, who very often are in denial of the problem and resistant to treatment.
We are very lucky. We were able to conduct a major intervention relatively early in Guzzy’s disease, before she was an adult. While the first two treatment programs were not effective, we had the resources to (eventually) check her into one of the best programs in the country. There are families that do not have access to the same resources that we do–effective treatment centers are expensive and may be too far away to be practical. Families are often between a rock and a hard place; needing to work in order to support their family and provide insurance, but also needing to be at home caring for their ED sufferer. Insurance varies widely on what, or how much, treatment is covered for mental illnesses. Some families spend their savings on treatments, with no guarantee of a successful outcome. It is heartbreaking.
Anyone running a marathon needs lots of support. As I write this, I am making a commitment to reach out today to someone who is either ill themselves or in a caregiver role. Something as simple as a thoughtful note can make a difference to someone who just may be running the race of their life.
