ED treatment is like a marathon in that it typically takes a long time from diagnosis to recovery. At the same time, ED treatment is NOT at all like a marathon, because the length of the journey is unknown, and there is no clear-cut finish line.
While you are in the midst of it, you cannot know the duration of the remaining journey, and it can be difficult to ‘stay the course’ when you aren’t seeing progress. There were many days and weeks that I depended on my online support group to give me the strength to persevere in the face of my daughter’s severe anorexia. I have talked to mothers and sufferers who felt they were completely alone in the days before the internet–without the support of doctors or therapists who really understood what they were going through. Worst yet, were the years of blaming the parents (mostly moms) and treating the disease by performing a ‘parent-ectomy’… which was rarely effective and caused untold pain and heartache.
Even the best treatment centers can’t provide a guarantee of a cure, or a timeline for recovery. Many factors influence the rate of recovery, with no infallible formula for success.
For us–Guzzy is working hard to maintain her recovery–the final stretch of our personal journey. When her weight dips below the agreed-upon minimum threshold, her dad and I step in with smoothies in hand. In the meantime, we maintain a cautious watchfulness. Families of older teens need to maintain a delicate balance of giving the space that is needed for our near-adults to experience greater independence and make more of their own choices; while also being on the lookout for a relapse. For parents of young adults, it is an even more difficult dilemma, since the parents no longer have decision-making authority for their grown children, who very often are in denial of the problem and resistant to treatment.
We are very lucky. We were able to conduct a major intervention relatively early in Guzzy’s disease, before she was an adult. While the first two treatment programs were not effective, we had the resources to (eventually) check her into one of the best programs in the country. There are families that do not have access to the same resources that we do–effective treatment centers are expensive and may be too far away to be practical. Families are often between a rock and a hard place; needing to work in order to support their family and provide insurance, but also needing to be at home caring for their ED sufferer. Insurance varies widely on what, or how much, treatment is covered for mental illnesses. Some families spend their savings on treatments, with no guarantee of a successful outcome. It is heartbreaking.
Anyone running a marathon needs lots of support. As I write this, I am making a commitment to reach out today to someone who is either ill themselves or in a caregiver role. Something as simple as a thoughtful note can make a difference to someone who just may be running the race of their life.