by Paula | Sep 3, 2023 | Family, Paula Persists
I have enjoyed this summer to the max–due in large part to my June retirement from the working world.
Retirement and aging looks different for everyone – old(ish) age is where life choices, genetics, and personal histories converge and every path is different. Recognizing that it isn’t all roses (hello, arthritis!) I have compiled a top 5 list of the benefits of many birthdays:
- Eligibility for Medicare. In the USA, we have a terrible health care system. The deductible and co-pays are crippling – even for those lucky enough to have employer subsidized health insurance. Pre-Medicare I absolutely avoided going to the doctor. I didn’t like the HMO I was locked into and the out of pockets costs were ridiculous. Now, I can pick my own doctor (which is amazing!) and the cost is reasonable.
- Retirement-not working. For the most part, I enjoyed working, and was never someone who dreaded Mondays. A lot of my identity was wrapped up in my work, and I was a bit apprehensive as to how I would respond to no longer having a job. I needn’t have worried. While I do miss the people, I do not miss the daily grind and stress. Now, the only time I set my alarm clock is if I have an early court time!
- Retirement-More time for family and travel. My retirement kicked off with 12 days watching the grandkids while their parents took a much-deserved vacation. In July, we attended an extended family reunion in Colorado, Dan and I went to a couple Brewer games and are planning a longish trip to Europe this fall; and I spent a long weekend in NYC with my youngest. It has been wonderful to have more time to spend with the people I love.
- Retirement-More Time for ME! Most days find me on either the tennis court, the pickleball court and/or the health club pool. I take our mutt on daily long walks. When the weather cools, I have ambitions for household projects, volunteering, learning the ukelele, and other pursuits. I have always had an internal clock ticking away in my brain, aware of the list of things that need to get done. Now, that ‘clock is quieting, and I have the luxury of unstructured time.
- Being comfortable in my own skin. As I age, I find that I am less and less concerned with what others think about me, and more accepting of myself. I wear comfy shoes and no longer dye my hair. In our social-media saturated, appearance-obsessed culture, not caring what others think is something of a super-power.
My advice is to EMBRACE those birthdays–There is joy in having many trips around the sun.
by Paula | Dec 26, 2022 | Family, Paula Persists
When something goes very wrong, there is a temptation to dive into the depths of what-ifs and second-guessing choices along the way. In hind-sight there are always different paths or actions that could have been taken that could have led to a happier result.
If everything had played out according to plan my husband and I, my son and his wife, and my youngest daughter would all be in Cancun right now, sharing a large and lovely beach-side condo with my oldest daughter and her family. Instead, the five of us are back in the frozen tundra of Wisconsin, while my daughter and family are in Cancun.
IF I had made different flight choices;, IF our flight out of O’Hare had not had mechanical issues, IF there hadn’t been so many rebooked flights ahead of us due to weather; we would ALL be there. It can drive you absolutely crazy thinking about it.
This was to have been a once-in-a-lifetime special vacation for myself and my offspring, along with their spouses and kids. Today, we are all mourning the loss of the extended family time in paradise.
While my oldest daughter and family did make it to Cancun, it is turning out to be a very different vacation than the one they were anticipating – with no other family members to join on excursions, play games with during the many rainy days, or to generally visit with them and help with their three young children.
My sister, who lives many states away, put things in perspective for me last night as we chatted by phone. Shit Happens. There are far more tragic events that happen due to moments and decisions we can never recall. We do our best to pick up the pieces and move on.
In the bigger picture, the loss of the vacation is sad, but not tragic. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say there is a silver-lining, there were many silvery moments:
- A tearful heart-to-heart with my son (who I don’t see often enough) in the lobby of the Chicago hotel at 2 am Christmas Day
- Hearing my daughter-in-law’s laugh – which is always amazing (before the flight got cancelled of course)
- My husband staying cool and collected through hours of frustrating (and ultimately unsuccessful) negotiations with the airline to get rebooked
- Making a pinky-promise with my youngest daughter at the bar of the hotel (I cannot divulge the terms)
- Sitting on my daughter-in-law’s lap on the overly crowded hotel shuttle and enjoying a few laughs with perfect strangers in the process
- Sharing jackets and shoes with my husband and daughter as we dealt with much more exposure to the bitter cold than I was prepared for
- A Christmas day buffet breakfast in the hotel, where the five of us exchanged a few gifts and did our best to salvage some Christmas cheer, albeit amid some tears.
- My impromptu gift to my kids was a tennis ball with ‘Xmas 2022, F**k Delta’ written on it. (The TRIP was my real gift… *sigh*)
- The FaceTime call with our family members in Cancun – the highlight of which was the huge smile that came over the two-year olds face when he saw us on screen. (OK, that one still makes me tear up a little bit)
- The people we met along the way that empathized and offered support:
- The driver who helped cram way too many people (and their luggage) on the inadequately small shuttle from the airport
- The Hotel staff who got called into work on Christmas eve due to the influx of disgruntled passengers dumped on them last-minute-including the sole waiter who dashed around setting up a buffet for 200 people.
- The patient hotel clerk who gave me supplies and empathy during my middle of the night pity-party
- The hotel maid with whom I commiserated at 6 am (I hope her daughter made it from Denver)
- The brother and sister-in-law that invited Dan and I over for an impromptu leftover Christmas dinner – recognizing we were returning to a house devoid of food on Christmas evening.
I am writing this the morning after Christmas day. Eventually my emotional hangover will ease and the knot in my tummy will loosen. Today, we will get groceries, fetch our mutt from doggie day car, unpack and resume our daily lives. The battle with Delta for refunds/compensation has begun. Live goes on, even when Shit Happens.
by Paula | Apr 25, 2021 | Family, Paula Persists
It is a lazy April Sunday. Like many of my friends, I find myself slowly and cautiously emerging from the emotional malaise of the last 4 plus years. I find myself unexpectedly smiling for no particular reason in the grocery store, laughing at the dog’s antics, watching the trees bud, and appreciating moments of pure contentment. I had such a moment this morning; as I savored my morning coffee; reflecting that I have a good book, a good dog and a good man. Life is good.
I wish you all contentment and joy in the moments of your lives.
by Paula | Dec 30, 2020 | Family, Paula Persists, Uncategorized
For us, 2020 got off to a great start. In the first 11 weeks of the year, we took a wonderful Mexican vacation, our grandson was born and DD (youngest daughter) started a new job as a barista.
Then… the pandemic struck. Right after our grandson’s much anticipated birth on March 13th, everything went into a COVID lock-down. Suddenly we were working remotely, activities and gatherings of all kinds were cancelled, restaurants and cafe’s closed and furloughed workers (including DD). It was a dramatic and sudden shift which we originally thought would last a few weeks or a couple months at most. Almost 10 months in, and we are just now starting to see light at the end of this long and painful tunnel.
The suffering and loss of human life has been devastating. So far our family has been very fortunate. Despite salary cut-backs and DD’s job loss we are OK financially and have remained virus free. Dan and DD each had serious injuries this year (unrelated to the virus), but both have recovered well.
My oldest daughter’s household is one of many juggling impossible demands every day: teaching and working from home, virtual learning for twin second-graders, and the demands of a very active baby. I help out when I can – always coming away with a new appreciation for challenge of virtual learning for teachers and students, and for the amount of physical energy required to keep up with a busy baby!
While understanding and agreeing with the reasons for keeping away from friends and family—it takes an emotional toll. Like everyone, we miss going to events and get-togethers. We are getting a little tired of each other’s company: although our mutt, Cleo, is thrilled to have her peeps at home. I am fortunate to be able to work from home and to be able to continue to play tennis. Seeing my tennis friends (masked and keeping our distance on the court) has been a balm to my soul.
2020 brought us the horror of George Floyd’s murder with a renewed resurgence of racial tensions, marches and riots. Our ongoing National Shame of systemic violence against people of color in our country was painfully evident in 2020.
Then, there was the election: the election that just may (?) save our Democracy from the tRumpster. Time will tell. For myself, the emotional toll of the tRump Administration has been as draining and as the toll taken by the Corona Virus.
I hope that 2021 is the inverse of 2020–With a difficult start, a gradual return to a new normal, and ending with joyous and safe holiday gatherings. Hopefully we will be able to leverage the lessons learned in 2020 in a positive way, leaving us more appreciative and grateful for even the smallest of blessings in our lives .
Happy New Year!
by Paula | Nov 24, 2020 | Family, Paula Persists
I recently spent a couple days with the ‘Giggle Squad”, three second-graders consisting of my twin grand-girls and a friend that are virtually learning together in their homes in the Twin Cities during this time of COVID. I help them out two days every other week to give their working parents some respite. Last week there was no online school on my scheduled days, so I came prepared with a PLAN chock-full of activities.
Of course, my detailed plan was blown on the first day. The wood and clay building project that was only supposed to take one hour, took three. The instructions for the kits I had purchased proved to be a slight mismatch with the provided materials; giving us the opportunity to flex our problem-solving muscles and make some adjustments– I gained important new glue gun skills, and the girls gained confidence in their ability to think of creative solutions to unexpected problems.
Another planned activity was replaced with a spontaneous nature walk around a nearby lake on an unseasonably warm day. The girls had a great time: jumping on rocks, exploring a culvert, skipping rocks, and crawling all over a fallen tree. There may or may not have been a bathroom break in the woods, and there may or may not have been an extensive conversation about ‘dung’. (After all, what happens in the woods stays in the woods.) Magic happens when you lose all track of time and get lost in the ‘now’ of nature.
We created our own restaurant, agreeing on the name ‘Best Foods. We cooked, made menus and served lunch to two customers each day. Both customers happened to work in the same building as the restaurant, and we received very positive reviews – particularly regarding the charm of the servers.
We rehearsed and prepared a play, The Popsicle Boy, which we presented at the end of our time together for a small, but select audience. I have found that dramatic endeavors (and restaurant reviews) are always best received when the audience consists entirely of the parents of cast members.
In short, it was a wonderful trip, and my heart was very full by the time I headed home. Extra time with the girls is an ‘unplanned’ source of joy and wonder for this grandma in these difficult times.
by Paula | Oct 24, 2020 | Family, Paula Persists
My dad is 93. I love him. He lives nearby–in the house where he and my mom raised four kids; a tiny 3 bedroom ranch with one bathroom in the suburbs. They were good parents, doing the best they could in simpler times. My dad sold insurance and mom had a variety of jobs including music teacher and social worker.
My dad is 93. I love him. Despite a variety of physical woes, his health is currently good. He regularly tells us that getting old ain’t for wimps! Although he repeats himself frequently, he does not have a single trace of dementia; as he has always enjoyed the telling and re-telling of his favorite stories.
My dad is 93. I love him. He is lonely–he misses mom, his wife of nearly 60 years. He relishes his time with family, and is a loving great-grandfather to a growing passel of youngsters. He also enjoys his frequent excursion to the local coffee shop, where he flirts with the twenty-something waitresses.
My dad is 93. I love him. He watches Fox News. He has never had a black friend or colleague. He loudly and frequently disparages the Black Lives Matter movement and the concept of white privilege. He makes cruel, uneducated and ignorant statements with great authority, as if they are statements of fact. He is unwilling to consider that he may be wrong or misinformed.
My dad is 93. I love him. Several relatives, including myself, have curtailed contact with him in recent months, as it is simply too painful to deal with his comments; especially at a time when we are all so emotionally tapped out.
My dad is 93. I love him, BUT…. but, I am done cutting him a mile of slack on this issue. This is not a mere political disagreement; but an issue of humanity. How far can we / should we bend to accommodate those ‘who don’t know better’, before our own humanity breaks? My new ground rule with dad is that we don’t talk about race. If/when he starts making racially driven-commentary; I will simply leave or end the conversation. He will know why.
Then I will call or visit again next week. Because, after all, he is my dad, and I love him.
