I remember starting college at age 18. I went to an in-state university a couple hours away from my home town. I was excited, nervous, anxious and very eager to move away from my home and my oh-so-boring family! It was my time to shine– with all the boundless energy, optimism, blissful ignorance and exuberance of youth.
I have always been a blend of drama-queen and nerd. Think Debate team–but with flair. Think clunky glasses with platform shoes. I was determined to re-invent a less nerdy version of myself at college; so, like many freshmen, I embarked on a variety of exploratory misadventures – testing the bounds of who I was when no longer constrained by my geeky reputation; which I totally blame on the trend set by my uber-geeky older brother–he was in AV club for gawds sakes. (For my younger readers the term ‘AV’ is audio-visual; the AV club consisted of the biggest geeks in the school–they would deliver and setup the film projectors and slide projectors; archaic, temperamental, pre-internet devices that required special care and handling.)
I had my share of indiscretions and foibles as a college freshmen; more than enough to disqualify my own behavior as a shining example for my own children. However, this does not deter me from giving advice for my daughter, Guzzy, as she looks forward to college next year.
For Guzzy there is added level of concern, since the transition to college can be particularly risky for those who may have a history of eating disorders or other mental illnesses such as anxiety or depression. I found a great Article about going away to college that goes into the topic in some depth.
After much discussion, we are making adjustments NOW to give Guzzy greater independence; We (her parents) are backing-off and giving her the space to make more of her own decisions about eating, studying and other day-to-day activities while she’s still at home. We all are getting used to the idea of Guzzy’s independence and responsibility for maintaining her health and taking care of her schoolwork with a minimum of parental involvement. This will also help assess her readiness to be successful with living away from home and coping with all the exciting new experiences, situations and people that she will encounter in college.
I’ve been a parent for 30+ years now; and I maintain that the single hardest, and possibly most important, role of a parent is to allow their teen to increasingly bear the consequences of their own decisions and actions; intervening only when we judge those consequences to be too harsh or dire. Parents do their teens a disservice if they constantly rescue them from their own actions–how will they learn? In the ED support world, there is a saying: Feedback not Failure.
Guzzy has already dealt with more adversity than most. She is stronger and more resilient than I was at her age. She is awesome and she will totally rock this!!