It wasn’t the woman’s thinness, or her choice of a small salad that gave her away. It was HOW she was eating, or rather not eating: she poked aggressively at her salad dozens of times, spreading its contents around and around before raising a tiny forkful to her lips; she wiped her fingers and mouth repeatedly with a napkin to remove any trace of grease; she picked at her food before dropping it back into the bowl or into her napkin. She exaggeratedly went through the motions of eating, while actually consuming very little.
Sitting in Panera, watching this woman out of the corner of my eye: it all came back to me in a visceral rush of memory: all those endless hours sitting at the dinner table with my daughter–watching her struggle to eat. She picked, picked, PICKED at the food, breaking it into ever smaller bits, as if she was willing it to simply disappear. Like all those afflicted with anorexia, she was a maestro at concealing food — tucking it away in unexpected places when we weren’t looking. She demonstrated great ingenuity in her tricks to deceive us into thinking she had eaten more than she had. Sometimes we caught on, other times we didn’t.
We were lucky. We had access to good doctors and therapists; I was able to work from home during much of her recovery; we had insurance that covered the enormous medical expenses; and my daughter was still a minor, so she did not have the choice to evade treatment. Even with all those advantages there was no guarantee of recovery–it’s a marathon with no finish line in sight. But, we were lucky; she did get better after a year of intensive therapy and hospitalizations.
As I write this, it is eating disorder awareness week. It’s a good week to reflect on our own experiences, and to share stories. The following is an excerpt from the NEDA (Nat’l Eating Disorder Assoc) Web Site
NEDA’s theme this year is Let’s Get Real with a goal to expand the conversation and highlight stories we don’t often hear. Our culture has complicated relationships with food, exercise, and appearance.
30 million Americans will struggle with a full-blown eating disorder and millions more will battle food and body image issues that have untold negative impacts on their lives.
But because of stigma and old stereotypes, many people don’t get the support they deserve. Join the conversation and help us raise awareness, bust myths, get people screened, and start journeys to healing.
When I started talking about my daughter’s illness, I was amazed at how many OTHER parents, co-workers, friends, family members, etc. had their OWN story of suffering to tell; they just needed someone else to start the conversation. Let’s get real, and keep the conversation going.